My last blog post was on Christmas Day, which seems like a lifetime ago. There are a couple of reasons why I haven’t posted in so long. First of all, my free month of internet service on my modem expired on Christmas day, and I didn’t feel like paying for more time. Secondly, I don’t think I was ready to think about going home and everything that comes along with it. But, here I am, back in snowy CT and writing one last blog post…for now.
After Christmas, I tried to keep my “day camp” going. I woke early in order to get outside at 8:30 and wait for the kids to show up. They didn’t show up. I decided to give up on the idea because I only had a few weeks left anyway. However, that just meant that my only “work” responsibilities for my last 3 weeks in site were baseball practice on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons for an hour and a half. Looking back on it, I’m not sure that giving myself so much free time was the greatest idea, but it did give me a chance to relax, reflect, and enjoy being in Sulaco before I left.
During the week after Christmas, my host family did “rondas” which is a tradition that they started 7 or 8 years ago. My host grandmother has a bunch of relatives in town, and they all took turns hosting dinner parties in the days between Christmas and New Years. The parties all had their own flavor, some had organized games and others were more laid back. At one there was alcohol served, and at another we milled our own sugar cane juice. Overall, they were great. It was nice to spend time with a family during the holiday season.
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| helping get the juice out of the sugar cane |
Also after Christmas, the volunteer that was at my site before me (and is also named Sarah) came back to Sulaco for a visit. It was cool to meet her because I had heard a lot about her and had been constantly asked if I was her sister (I never understood why someone would think that there would be two sisters with the same name haha). Sarah and I spent a day hiking in La Abardilla, an aldea of Sulaco up in the mountains. It was a long, uphill hike, but the views were beautiful. She also took me to see the natural springs in San Antonio, another aldea of Sulaco. I had been wanting to go since I got there, and had planned on going with Fernando the baseball coach because he had never been. I’m so glad I got to see it before I left. It was a huge cave with clean, clear water and hot water falling down from the top of the cave. Super cool!
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| view from the hike |
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| natural springs |
New Year’s was pretty lame. I hung out with my host family at a family party. Just like at Christmas, at midnight everyone hugs each other to welcome in the new year. There was a dance party that night, but my host mom and dad didn’t give their daughters permission to go. I really wanted to go, but didn’t want to walk there alone at 2 a.m. So instead I went to bed….lame.
In my last couple weeks, I tried to enjoy all of my time. I made the most out of every baseball practice, spent time outside trying to soak up some sunshine, and made it to the river a few times with some of the girls from the colegio. I had to meet with my counterparts to tell them the news, and they were genuinely disappointed that I had to leave. My counterparts at the escuela and colegio weren’t the best to work with, and I wasn’t really that close with them. It was bittersweet to finally know how much I was appreciated right before I had to leave. It was hard to tell everyone the news. I developed a little speech to explain why I was leaving that I would tell to people. I told as many people as I could because the last thing that I wanted them to think was that I was choosing to leave or abandoning them. I tried to always reinforce the fact that I was being forced to leave, that I didn’t want to go, and that I would come back if I could. Unfortunately, a lot of the kids didn’t understand and kept asking, “So when are you coming back?” I did my best to explain the situation and tell them that I was most likely not coming back to work with Peace Corps, but promising that I’d come back to visit someday.
On my last full day in Sulaco, I spent 4 hours at the river with the kids from the baseball team. We jumped off the rocks, had swimming races, ate snacks, and just hung out. There’s a saying that they have in Sulaco that once you drink the water from the river you have to come back. I think it’s true.
Before coming home, all 150 or so volunteers had to attend a conference at a hotel in Tegucigalpa. It was a strange few days with lots of ups and downs. We had an explanation from our regional director about how they came to their decision, language interviews, career workshops, “feelings talks” with some psychologists, and lots of other sessions aimed at helping us transition back to our lives at home.
During the conference, my fellow PCVs and I kept asking each other “How are you doing?” and “How are you feeling?” There was so much going on and so many different emotions to handle all at once.
· Anger: The first night of the conference, the regional director gave a long presentation about how they came to their decision to send us home. Before and during this presentation, you could have cut the tension with a knife. For me, I felt angry because the information that he gave us showed that they had an idea that something like this was going to happen before they sent my group down there in July. I was angry that they would send us to Honduras knowing that our time there would most likely be cut short.
· Happiness: During our 11 weeks of training, my training group (H-19) had gotten so close and I was finally able to see all of them again. Although we stayed in touch on the internet and through phone calls, there’s nothing better than seeing them in person, especially because they are the only people who could possibly understand and relate to what I was going through. And…even though we were only there for 6 months, all 15 of us made it the whole time, which is pretty impressive for PC Honduras.
· Sadness: This one’s obvious. Having to leave friends, host families, kids, communities, PC staff and counterparts that I worked with was one of the saddest things I’ve ever experienced.
· Excitement: So, I had to throw another positive one in here…I would be lying if I said I wasn’t excited to be coming home where I’d get to see my family and friends, flush my toilet paper down the toilet, and not eat tortillas with every meal.
· Disappointment: I don’t know if disappointment is the right word for it, but I also had a feeling that I didn’t actually make a difference or do very much. Due to the fact that I was in my site for such a short time, I feel unfulfilled and disappointed by the impact that I made and amount of work I got to do.
· Loss: I think overall the biggest feeling is loss. Mostly feeling like I’ve lost the opportunity to continue as a volunteer in Honduras and help my community. I also feel a sense of loss over the fact that I am no longer very close geographically with my H-19 friends, who have meant so much to me over the past 6 months. I know they are just a facebook chat, text, skype call, or phone call away, but I feel like I’ve lost a little bit of that safety net that was so strong while I was in Honduras.
· Confusion: Throughout the conference, there were a lot of people who seemed to be confused. Being suddenly told that we had to go home meant different things for different people. Some people, like me, are planning on re-enrolling in the Peace Corps to do 27 months in another country. Others are suddenly thrown into job searches or grad school applications. The largest percentage of people seemed to just be confused about what steps to take next in their lives.
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| H-19! |
So, after the conference we said our goodbyes and headed home. Chelsea and Lesley picked me up at the airport in Hartford and it was snowing (which I was not excited about). I got in a little after midnight, so we stayed in a hotel by the airport. The next day, we had lunch with my mom and I headed home and spent the day with her. Wednesday I went with Chelsea and Lesley down to Baltimore for a few days. It was nice to be on vacation for a little while, but overwhelming at the same time. We spent the day in Washington D.C. on Thursday and checked out some of the memorials. I hadn’t been there in a long time and I really enjoyed it. We headed back to CT on Saturday.
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| The new MLK memorial in D.C. the words on the side say "Out of the mountain of despair, a stone of hope." |
Now, I’m back home and I’ve had a lot of time to think about what is going on and what has happened. This whole transition thing is not so easy, which I knew would be the case. Being back home is weird. I grew and changed a lot during my 6 months in Honduras. While I was there I was more confident, relaxed, open, patient, and happy. I’m starting to feel that slipping away little by little since I got off the plane in Hartford. Right now, my goal is to not let everything go back to the way it was back in July before I left…not let myself go back to the way I was before I left. I’ve had an experience that has the potential to impact the rest of my life and who I am as a person. I will not let it disappear.
So, this is it for the blog for now. “Sarah en Sulaco” is WAY more exciting than “Sarah en Guilford, CT”—trust me. But, as of now I am planning on re-enrolling in the Peace Corps, which means that at some point (most likely in the fall or next winter) I will leave for another 27-month adventure (which will hopefully last 27 months this time.) This blog is probably not finished, it is “to be continued.” Someday “Sarah en Sulaco” will turn into “Sarah en some-other-awesome-beautiful- amazing-town.” Thank you to everyone who took the time to read my blog. Whether you’re a close friend, family member, complete stranger, or someone I went to high school with and randomly clicked the facebook link…Gracias.
Hasta luego,
Sarah
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| from the wall at the MLK memorial |
